Yesterday I followed a link that led me to this article on the subject of discipline in the church nursery. The author describes an incident where a frazzled nursery worker spanked a child. The article describes the aftermath of that incident among the leadership of the ward's Primary as they decided how to handle the situation, what to say to the child's parents, etc. At one point, the author makes a comment to the effect of "in defense of the spanker, the spanking seemed to work, and there were no more problems with that particular child."
I'm sorry, but I don't think there is any valid defense for spanking a child in nursery of all places! Regardless of what individual parents do in their own homes (I obviously think spanking is wrong, but I acknowledge that parents are imperfect, and it happens), nursery and Primary should be safe places where children are nurtured with gentleness, where they are shown the type of love and treatment that Jesus Himself would lavish on them if He were there. I cannot think of any justification--EVER--for spanking a child at church. Spanking is the complete antithesis of everything that church represents.
If anyone spanked my child at nursery, I would be LIVID. Spanking is hitting. It is violence. I cannot think of any situation, ever, when spanking would be a justifiable response to a situation. It boggles my mind that people defend it. Yes, I've lost my temper on a handful of occasions and swatted a child. And then I've apologized profusely for losing my temper and messing up. Because to spank a little one is to mess up. Big time. It has never helped any situation that I've been in with one of my children. It only hurts. When it "works" (and that is debatable), it works for all the wrong reasons, the biggest one being fear. Any supposed end does not justify the means in this case.
Being a parent is hard, no doubt about that. None of us are the perfect parents we thought we'd be. When we mess up, I don't think we need to endlessly beat ourselves up over it. But we do need to acknowledge our mistakes and then move on. Move on to better ways.
In other words, let's end it, not defend it!
P.S. I could write a whole 'nother blog post on the rest of that article.
I'm sorry, but I don't think there is any valid defense for spanking a child in nursery of all places! Regardless of what individual parents do in their own homes (I obviously think spanking is wrong, but I acknowledge that parents are imperfect, and it happens), nursery and Primary should be safe places where children are nurtured with gentleness, where they are shown the type of love and treatment that Jesus Himself would lavish on them if He were there. I cannot think of any justification--EVER--for spanking a child at church. Spanking is the complete antithesis of everything that church represents.
If anyone spanked my child at nursery, I would be LIVID. Spanking is hitting. It is violence. I cannot think of any situation, ever, when spanking would be a justifiable response to a situation. It boggles my mind that people defend it. Yes, I've lost my temper on a handful of occasions and swatted a child. And then I've apologized profusely for losing my temper and messing up. Because to spank a little one is to mess up. Big time. It has never helped any situation that I've been in with one of my children. It only hurts. When it "works" (and that is debatable), it works for all the wrong reasons, the biggest one being fear. Any supposed end does not justify the means in this case.
Being a parent is hard, no doubt about that. None of us are the perfect parents we thought we'd be. When we mess up, I don't think we need to endlessly beat ourselves up over it. But we do need to acknowledge our mistakes and then move on. Move on to better ways.
In other words, let's end it, not defend it!
P.S. I could write a whole 'nother blog post on the rest of that article.
Comments
That's a tough one. I guess the first step would be to just talk and talk and talk and try to understand where the other person is coming from. Is the pro-spanking spouse simply afraid that not spanking means no discipline and kids running wild? I think a lot of people have misperceptions that no spanking means no discipline, so maybe try to set up some good structure for what WILL be done for discipline in certain situations?
Will your spouse read books and articles showing psychological research on this issue?