I've had thoughts rumbling around in my head for days on this topic. What I really hoped to do was to put all my ideas into a nice, cohesive essay, but it's apparent that with my schedule, that may never happen! So I'm just going to start listing quotes and sharing my feelings about them.
I started thinking about this topic back in September when President Uchtdorf gave his fabulous talk at the Relief Society broadcast where he talked about the importance of creating. He says, "The desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul."
Now, this talk was talking a lot about artistic creation, not motherhood in particular, but I want to talk about motherhood. What does it mean to create life? As an adoptive mother, I've often struggled with feeling left out of creation. Biological mothers physically create life within their bodies, nurture that life, give birth to that life, and then physically sustain that life with their own bodies through breastfeeding. I love my children beyond my ability to express and would not trade them or the way they came for all the biological children in the world. Yet I have still felt left out of those unique womanly experiences.
One of the reasons that I wanted to breastfeed so badly was because I wanted my body to have some kind of physical response to motherhood. I wanted to be a true mother, not a father or any other random person just taking care of a baby. That has been a question I've pondered over the years--what makes me unique in my children's lives? What makes me special? How am I different than any other person out there who could take care of them? As much as I love my husband and cherish his role as a father (and he is a GREAT father!), what makes me different from him? Is there anything that I can give my children that he can't? When I looked at woman having those biological responses to motherhood, I was envious. She can carry, birth, and nurse her baby. No one else can. What can I do for my baby that no one else can do? How am I special? What is my superpower? What makes me a mother?
Anyway, I'm digressing. Hearing President Uchtdorf's words made me think about this concept of creation in the context of motherhood. Last Sunday in Relief Society, I had the opportunity to teach Elder Bednar's talk from October's conference, "Pray Always". In this talk, he speaks of the concept of spiritual creation. I knew already that God created the world and all things on it spiritually before He created it physically. But I had never considered that we can also create spiritually as well as physically. This was a mind-blowing revelation to me! It is an idea that has profound implications in my life, as I still seek to come to terms with some of my circumstances.
I have realized that as we seek for and prepare for another child to join our family through adoption, we are creating. I, as mother, am creating a vision for that child's life and a space for that child in our family. When that child arrives, I will be creating a loving and nurturing environment for that child. I may not be creating that child's physical life, but I will be creating that child's lifestyle and in many ways creating the life that this child will know here on earth for years to come.
I have to think, with a topic this deep, that perhaps there is even more to spiritual creation than we understand. There must be some way that our spiritual lives, thoughts, feelings--those of myself here on earth and my child in the spirit world--are connected. A child is physically connected to its biological mother. A child must somehow be spiritually connected to its mother, whether she births or adopts that child.
I don't know exactly how to access this connection. I think living in mortality and being subject to the veil, the Fall, and the philosophies of man all play a part in keeping us from true knowledge.
I am SO grateful for our doctrine of premortal life. When I go about in the adoption world and hear the beliefs of those who don't have the gospel, I just don't know how they do it. With all the self-doubt I sometimes experience, I can't imagine how I could function as an adoptive mother without the knowledge that I had connections to my children before they were born and they were meant to be my children. I already struggle so much with the way adoptive families are invalidated by our society, I cannot imagine not having the comfort of real knowledge from Heavenly Father through the Spirit about my relationships with my children.
Spiritual creation begins when I first start to think about the child who may come. I nurture a vision in my mind of who that child is and how they will fit into our family. I translate my inner feelings into outward manifestations as I exercise faith by physically preparing for that child. It is extremely difficult to go forward in faith when it sometimes feels like you are going forward into thin air. I have absolutely no idea whatsoever right now when or how this child will come. I don't have much knowledge at all about what I am preparing for and whose life I am creating. Spiritual creations means keeping oneself carefully in tune with the Holy Ghost, actively seeking every opportunity to be close to the spirit, and pledging to follow whatever the promptings may be.
See physical creation can happen without forethought or effort. How many women get pregnant by accident, and then once pregnant are simply along for the ride? But spiritual creation requires effort and planning. (I do want to say that the best experiences in biological mothering probably also occur when spiritual creation--of the birth experience, of the mothering experience--takes place right alongside the physical.)
I wish there was more talk about spiritual creation and the profound role it plays in ALL of our lives as mothers. Then, I think we adoptive mothers wouldn't feel so left out--it would be easier to find our niche in this society known as "motherhood". All of those physical experiences don't mean a thing if the spiritual things are neglected. And they don't make women mothers!Attending the temple last night reminded me that the entire purpose of our existence on earth is to return to Heavenly Father and to help our families return to Heavenly Father. Imagine if all the decisions and choices and parenting things we do were filtered through that lense! How many things wouldn't be quite as important? I think some things would still be important--but they would be placed in their proper perspective.
I love Sheri Dew's talk "Are We Not All Mothers?":
"While we tend to equte motherhood solely with maternity, in the Lord's language, the word mother has layers of meaning. Of all the words they could have chosen to define her role and her essence, both God the Father and Adam called Eve 'the mother of all living' and they did so before she ever bore a child. Like Eve, our motherhood began before we were born. Just as worthy men were foreordained to hold the priesthood in mortality, righteous women were endowed premortally with the privilege of motherhood. Motherhood is more than bearing children, though it is certainly that. It is the essence of who we are as women. It defines our very identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits our Father gave us."
I have a long way to go in understanding motherhood. I will be the first to admit that. I have a hard time casting off the worldly ideas of women--ideas that are "good", but lacking in the eternal sense. I find it far too easy to be hurt by other people's ideas of what a good mother is and does, instead of trusting in God that the way He created me--and the way He wants me to create--are good enough. I wish I could say that just reading these talks and having this inspiration has singlehandedly cast away from my mind all the other distorted messages that plague me from day to day. But no, this is still a long journey. Yet, I will make it, one step at a time, trusting that the things I need to learn and understand will someday be manifest deeply enough in my life that doubt will flee away forever.
I started thinking about this topic back in September when President Uchtdorf gave his fabulous talk at the Relief Society broadcast where he talked about the importance of creating. He says, "The desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul."
Now, this talk was talking a lot about artistic creation, not motherhood in particular, but I want to talk about motherhood. What does it mean to create life? As an adoptive mother, I've often struggled with feeling left out of creation. Biological mothers physically create life within their bodies, nurture that life, give birth to that life, and then physically sustain that life with their own bodies through breastfeeding. I love my children beyond my ability to express and would not trade them or the way they came for all the biological children in the world. Yet I have still felt left out of those unique womanly experiences.
One of the reasons that I wanted to breastfeed so badly was because I wanted my body to have some kind of physical response to motherhood. I wanted to be a true mother, not a father or any other random person just taking care of a baby. That has been a question I've pondered over the years--what makes me unique in my children's lives? What makes me special? How am I different than any other person out there who could take care of them? As much as I love my husband and cherish his role as a father (and he is a GREAT father!), what makes me different from him? Is there anything that I can give my children that he can't? When I looked at woman having those biological responses to motherhood, I was envious. She can carry, birth, and nurse her baby. No one else can. What can I do for my baby that no one else can do? How am I special? What is my superpower? What makes me a mother?
Anyway, I'm digressing. Hearing President Uchtdorf's words made me think about this concept of creation in the context of motherhood. Last Sunday in Relief Society, I had the opportunity to teach Elder Bednar's talk from October's conference, "Pray Always". In this talk, he speaks of the concept of spiritual creation. I knew already that God created the world and all things on it spiritually before He created it physically. But I had never considered that we can also create spiritually as well as physically. This was a mind-blowing revelation to me! It is an idea that has profound implications in my life, as I still seek to come to terms with some of my circumstances.
I have realized that as we seek for and prepare for another child to join our family through adoption, we are creating. I, as mother, am creating a vision for that child's life and a space for that child in our family. When that child arrives, I will be creating a loving and nurturing environment for that child. I may not be creating that child's physical life, but I will be creating that child's lifestyle and in many ways creating the life that this child will know here on earth for years to come.
I have to think, with a topic this deep, that perhaps there is even more to spiritual creation than we understand. There must be some way that our spiritual lives, thoughts, feelings--those of myself here on earth and my child in the spirit world--are connected. A child is physically connected to its biological mother. A child must somehow be spiritually connected to its mother, whether she births or adopts that child.
I don't know exactly how to access this connection. I think living in mortality and being subject to the veil, the Fall, and the philosophies of man all play a part in keeping us from true knowledge.
I am SO grateful for our doctrine of premortal life. When I go about in the adoption world and hear the beliefs of those who don't have the gospel, I just don't know how they do it. With all the self-doubt I sometimes experience, I can't imagine how I could function as an adoptive mother without the knowledge that I had connections to my children before they were born and they were meant to be my children. I already struggle so much with the way adoptive families are invalidated by our society, I cannot imagine not having the comfort of real knowledge from Heavenly Father through the Spirit about my relationships with my children.
Spiritual creation begins when I first start to think about the child who may come. I nurture a vision in my mind of who that child is and how they will fit into our family. I translate my inner feelings into outward manifestations as I exercise faith by physically preparing for that child. It is extremely difficult to go forward in faith when it sometimes feels like you are going forward into thin air. I have absolutely no idea whatsoever right now when or how this child will come. I don't have much knowledge at all about what I am preparing for and whose life I am creating. Spiritual creations means keeping oneself carefully in tune with the Holy Ghost, actively seeking every opportunity to be close to the spirit, and pledging to follow whatever the promptings may be.
See physical creation can happen without forethought or effort. How many women get pregnant by accident, and then once pregnant are simply along for the ride? But spiritual creation requires effort and planning. (I do want to say that the best experiences in biological mothering probably also occur when spiritual creation--of the birth experience, of the mothering experience--takes place right alongside the physical.)
I wish there was more talk about spiritual creation and the profound role it plays in ALL of our lives as mothers. Then, I think we adoptive mothers wouldn't feel so left out--it would be easier to find our niche in this society known as "motherhood". All of those physical experiences don't mean a thing if the spiritual things are neglected. And they don't make women mothers!Attending the temple last night reminded me that the entire purpose of our existence on earth is to return to Heavenly Father and to help our families return to Heavenly Father. Imagine if all the decisions and choices and parenting things we do were filtered through that lense! How many things wouldn't be quite as important? I think some things would still be important--but they would be placed in their proper perspective.
I love Sheri Dew's talk "Are We Not All Mothers?":
"While we tend to equte motherhood solely with maternity, in the Lord's language, the word mother has layers of meaning. Of all the words they could have chosen to define her role and her essence, both God the Father and Adam called Eve 'the mother of all living' and they did so before she ever bore a child. Like Eve, our motherhood began before we were born. Just as worthy men were foreordained to hold the priesthood in mortality, righteous women were endowed premortally with the privilege of motherhood. Motherhood is more than bearing children, though it is certainly that. It is the essence of who we are as women. It defines our very identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits our Father gave us."
I have a long way to go in understanding motherhood. I will be the first to admit that. I have a hard time casting off the worldly ideas of women--ideas that are "good", but lacking in the eternal sense. I find it far too easy to be hurt by other people's ideas of what a good mother is and does, instead of trusting in God that the way He created me--and the way He wants me to create--are good enough. I wish I could say that just reading these talks and having this inspiration has singlehandedly cast away from my mind all the other distorted messages that plague me from day to day. But no, this is still a long journey. Yet, I will make it, one step at a time, trusting that the things I need to learn and understand will someday be manifest deeply enough in my life that doubt will flee away forever.
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