Dallin had a huge meltdown last night. It started after soccer, when he only got 10 minutes to play on the playground as opposed to the hour and 10 minutes that Sariah got. The fact that he was playing soccer while she was playing on the swings did not matter one bit to him. In fact, soccer was "boring" and life was still very much NOT fair.
I got both kids home, and then the issue became the fact that I would not let him eat a treat for a snack, nor would I make a snack that required a lot of preparation. Crackers or pretzels or yogurt, in his mind, did not constitute a tolerable snack.
And so things quickly escalated. I was mean. I loved Sariah better than him. Sariah got everything she wanted all the time, and he didn't. It was NOT FAIR!
It was just minutes before Sariah's bedtime. James was off at a Mutual activity, and I was faced with getting Sariah in PJ's and to sleep (no small task right now), and then getting Dallin in PJ's, making sure he had a snack, and getting a good 30+ minutes of reading time in before bed. All on my own.
Yet something told me that my little boy needed me right then. So I left Sariah playing, picked Dallin up (also no small task right now!) and just held him. For a long, long time. He screamed, he sobbed, he ranted at the world and at me. My first impulse, as usual, was to gently but firmly tell him how off his ideas were. There were certainly some cognitive distortions happening! Umm, Sariah does not get to do whatever she wants. Trust me. If you could ask her, and if she had the ability to tell you, she would testify loudly of that fact! She has to take naps when she doesn't want to. She has to come away from dangerous play things when she certainly would rather not. And no, Mommy doesn't spend all day playing board games with Sariah. Or playing anything with Sariah, for that matter. (Playing with my kids is not one of my strong points. Hence the reason I'm blogging right now while Sariah plays in the other room.) Not to mention the fact that he got me all to himself for four solid years before she even came along. Everything that she's having right now, he's already had.
And yet again, something told me to just listen. Not to judge or invalidate his feelings, but to just listen. And he cried. And he told me how much he wishes he could stay home all day with me and not go to school. And how he doesn't have enough time to finish his lunch, but he's still hungry and isn't allowed to eat until he gets home. And how he can't get a drink whenever he wants. And how everybody else gets to buy school lunch every day, while he has to bring lunch from home. And how he's tired of soccer. And I could see how tired he was.
I realized what a long day it had been for him. He did have a good day at school. He had a great afternoon at home doing his math and spelling, which are going really well for him right now. He had a great time with me doing piano--one of our best days yet. He was so excited to suit up for soccer practice. And he mostly had fun at that practice...except for getting kicked accidentally. And not getting to play on the playground very long afterwards.
But I realized he didn't really have any free time today. Luckily, it's not like that most days. But he has a lot on his plate now, compared to the carefree days of kindergarten. And the even more carefree days of summer. And that's a hard change for a little guy. Even the realization that soccer, fun as it is, requires some good, old-fashioned hard work is not an easy thing for a little guy to accept. (Though it's one of the important lessons I'm glad he's learning, as it can be applied to piano and lots of other things in life too.)
I know he'll make it through this time. I believe that in reality, he's handling all of this quite well, and is generally happy with life. But I'm glad I stopped to listen, or I would have never noticed the very real stress he's been feeling and hiding so well the past few weeks.
We skipped reading time and all laid down together in Sariah's bed. They were both completely out in a matter of minutes. This morning, Dallin woke up rejuvenated. A good night's sleep will cure almost anything!
And much to Dallin's delight, I forgot to make his lunch this morning. Three minutes before he was to head out the door to school, he came to me with a huge grin on his face and asked if there was anything I'd forgotten. So he got to eat school lunch, and that made him very, very happy.
I got both kids home, and then the issue became the fact that I would not let him eat a treat for a snack, nor would I make a snack that required a lot of preparation. Crackers or pretzels or yogurt, in his mind, did not constitute a tolerable snack.
And so things quickly escalated. I was mean. I loved Sariah better than him. Sariah got everything she wanted all the time, and he didn't. It was NOT FAIR!
It was just minutes before Sariah's bedtime. James was off at a Mutual activity, and I was faced with getting Sariah in PJ's and to sleep (no small task right now), and then getting Dallin in PJ's, making sure he had a snack, and getting a good 30+ minutes of reading time in before bed. All on my own.
Yet something told me that my little boy needed me right then. So I left Sariah playing, picked Dallin up (also no small task right now!) and just held him. For a long, long time. He screamed, he sobbed, he ranted at the world and at me. My first impulse, as usual, was to gently but firmly tell him how off his ideas were. There were certainly some cognitive distortions happening! Umm, Sariah does not get to do whatever she wants. Trust me. If you could ask her, and if she had the ability to tell you, she would testify loudly of that fact! She has to take naps when she doesn't want to. She has to come away from dangerous play things when she certainly would rather not. And no, Mommy doesn't spend all day playing board games with Sariah. Or playing anything with Sariah, for that matter. (Playing with my kids is not one of my strong points. Hence the reason I'm blogging right now while Sariah plays in the other room.) Not to mention the fact that he got me all to himself for four solid years before she even came along. Everything that she's having right now, he's already had.
And yet again, something told me to just listen. Not to judge or invalidate his feelings, but to just listen. And he cried. And he told me how much he wishes he could stay home all day with me and not go to school. And how he doesn't have enough time to finish his lunch, but he's still hungry and isn't allowed to eat until he gets home. And how he can't get a drink whenever he wants. And how everybody else gets to buy school lunch every day, while he has to bring lunch from home. And how he's tired of soccer. And I could see how tired he was.
I realized what a long day it had been for him. He did have a good day at school. He had a great afternoon at home doing his math and spelling, which are going really well for him right now. He had a great time with me doing piano--one of our best days yet. He was so excited to suit up for soccer practice. And he mostly had fun at that practice...except for getting kicked accidentally. And not getting to play on the playground very long afterwards.
But I realized he didn't really have any free time today. Luckily, it's not like that most days. But he has a lot on his plate now, compared to the carefree days of kindergarten. And the even more carefree days of summer. And that's a hard change for a little guy. Even the realization that soccer, fun as it is, requires some good, old-fashioned hard work is not an easy thing for a little guy to accept. (Though it's one of the important lessons I'm glad he's learning, as it can be applied to piano and lots of other things in life too.)
I know he'll make it through this time. I believe that in reality, he's handling all of this quite well, and is generally happy with life. But I'm glad I stopped to listen, or I would have never noticed the very real stress he's been feeling and hiding so well the past few weeks.
We skipped reading time and all laid down together in Sariah's bed. They were both completely out in a matter of minutes. This morning, Dallin woke up rejuvenated. A good night's sleep will cure almost anything!
And much to Dallin's delight, I forgot to make his lunch this morning. Three minutes before he was to head out the door to school, he came to me with a huge grin on his face and asked if there was anything I'd forgotten. So he got to eat school lunch, and that made him very, very happy.
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