I'm going to try a new semi-permanent feature on my blog to help me be a more aware parent. I had a parenting moment this morning that didn't go quite as I would have liked, and I started thinking that if I can take these moments, reflect on them, and try to re-write them in my head, then maybe the next time it comes up, I will have a more positive script from which to draw.
This morning Sariah did not want to put on a pull-up. I wasn't crazy about her running around in her bare bum, since every time I let her do this, she ends up peeing on the floor. I tried waiting a few minutes to see if she would come around and do it cooperatively. No dice. I tried being silly, telling her she could put it on her legs or her head. Of course, she chose her head. But even lightening the mood didn't make her want to eventually put them on her bottom.
At that point, I started getting frustrated. Every second she went without a pull-up, the chances of me having to clean pee off the carpet skyrocketed. Try as I might, I could not think of a peaceful, respectful way to end this. So I resorted to force. I held her tightly and tried to force her legs into the openings. Of course, she screamed, tantrumed, and protested. As I tried to get the second leg in the hole, she managed to wriggle the first leg out.
I finally realized that I had never expressed empathy for her situation. She did not feel like I understood or cared that she didn't want to wear a pull-up. By this time, however, she was so upset that any attempts to express empathy fell of deaf ears. Next time, I need to remember that expressing empathy is the first step! I cannot accomplish anything with my children until they first feel heard and understood. I finally stumbled on the other thing I should have done near the beginning of this episode. I gave her a choice. A real choice, not a silly choice. I told her she could either wear a diaper or a pull-up. Which did she choose? To my absolute amazement, she stopped crying immediately and said, "Cull-up!" I put it on her, and we were done, just like that!
I think I could have saved 5-10 minutes of misery for all of us if I had 1) validated her unhappiness about having to cover her bottom, and 2) given the appropriate choice right away.
This morning Sariah did not want to put on a pull-up. I wasn't crazy about her running around in her bare bum, since every time I let her do this, she ends up peeing on the floor. I tried waiting a few minutes to see if she would come around and do it cooperatively. No dice. I tried being silly, telling her she could put it on her legs or her head. Of course, she chose her head. But even lightening the mood didn't make her want to eventually put them on her bottom.
At that point, I started getting frustrated. Every second she went without a pull-up, the chances of me having to clean pee off the carpet skyrocketed. Try as I might, I could not think of a peaceful, respectful way to end this. So I resorted to force. I held her tightly and tried to force her legs into the openings. Of course, she screamed, tantrumed, and protested. As I tried to get the second leg in the hole, she managed to wriggle the first leg out.
I finally realized that I had never expressed empathy for her situation. She did not feel like I understood or cared that she didn't want to wear a pull-up. By this time, however, she was so upset that any attempts to express empathy fell of deaf ears. Next time, I need to remember that expressing empathy is the first step! I cannot accomplish anything with my children until they first feel heard and understood. I finally stumbled on the other thing I should have done near the beginning of this episode. I gave her a choice. A real choice, not a silly choice. I told her she could either wear a diaper or a pull-up. Which did she choose? To my absolute amazement, she stopped crying immediately and said, "Cull-up!" I put it on her, and we were done, just like that!
I think I could have saved 5-10 minutes of misery for all of us if I had 1) validated her unhappiness about having to cover her bottom, and 2) given the appropriate choice right away.
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