Do you ever seek out an opportunity, a commitment, and then wonder why on earth you ever got yourself into it? That's where I'm at right now.
In just over a week, I begin teaching at the BYU Organ Workshop, a four-day workshop for organists of all levels. I volunteered for this--it's something I did years ago and have been wanting to do for a very long time.
I'm more than a bit intimidated, since most of the other presenters are people with Phd's, people who are teaching organ professionally on a daily basis. I have one friend coming who is just like me--a mom doing organ on the side. But other than that, everyone has WAY more experience than I do. I'm trying not to think about that. But yesterday when I was practicing for one of the small performances I'll be doing, I had a little freak-out. I'm playing a very simple piece, one for intermediate students. It's just to demo to the participants music from the different independent study levels that they can learn. This is the type of piece I would have played in my first year or two of taking organ lessons. But see, I haven't performed in years. The last time I played a classical piece in a recital-type setting was before Dallin was born. That was at a ward talent show, and believe it or not, I got nervous. Me, nervous at a ward talent show. Now I get to play in front of my former peers, some of whom are college professors. So I had a freak out, and my simple little piece fell apart right there in my practice session. It's good, I suppose. I need to put myself under some stress the next few times I play it.
In spite of my best efforts to organize my time wisely over the past few months, I still feel very unprepared for this workshop. I have practiced 2-3 times a week, which is no small feat considering I have to go to the church to do so. I have gone to the church to practice at 6:00 am at least once a week for over a month. That's so I can be done before James goes to work. Those of you who know me well, know that I am no morning person. 6:00 am is a real sacrifice, but I've been really motivated. To be honest, I kind of like practicing that early--I'm very productive. It's just the getting-out-of-bed part that hard. This next week, I need to practice every day. I'm still not quite sure how that's going to happen, but happen it must. I've got a few neighbors who will be paying up on the babysitting they owe me, that's for sure.
I was assigned three classes to teach. 1) hymn improvisation. OK, not my strongest point, but I can do the basics--I can teach beginners. Let's just hope they don't ask me to improvise something really fancy for them. I plan to keep them way too busy to have time to listen to me improvise! 2) level 3 organ techniques and repertoire. Yeah, there are 12 pieces that I get to demonstrate and discuss with the students. In spite of the fact that I have a master's degree in organ performance, I actually owned the music for only about 3-4 of those pieces. I owned one of the three method books I was supposed to teach out of. Needless to say, about half of my salary for this workshop is going to be going to pay for all the music I've had to buy. We're not talking piddly little pieces of sheet music--we're talking individual pieces that can only be found in books ranging around $20-30. Multiple books. In spite of the fact that none of these pieces are particularly difficult, it's taken hours of time to work each of them up to the level that I can teach the students everything they need to know about all the little nuances of playing them.
3) Creating preludes and postludes from the hymnbook. OK, this class is a lecture-demonstration where I'm supposed to perform all the arrangements that I've created. Yeah, all those arrangements I've created. I've spent the past six weeks composing hymn arrangements so I'd have something to play.
Not to complain, though. This has been good for me! Writing all those hymn arrangements has helped me hone all the skills I need to teach hymn improvisation. After all, composing is just improvising written down, right? And buying all those music and method books has meant that I now have the teaching library I should have had years ago (I just never had sufficient motivation to put out the money for books I myself wasn't going to use.) Now I don't ever have to think again, "Gee, I really should buy that method book, but wow, $60 is a lot of money." I don't have to think that because now I actually own the $60 book!
And hey, it feelsl good to practice regularly! I've even had the thought that maybe I could go down to the church once a week at 6:00 am on a regular basis. (We'll see how many weeks it takes for that thought to disappear from my mine.)
So right now, I have to finish writing out notes and outlines for my classes, put the finishing touches on my hymn arrangements, work out the improvisations I want to demonstrate (which technically means I won't be improvising, but who cares about technicalities, right?), and practice enough that I won't be overcome by the stage fright I'm sure to feel.
And I feel fried. I already feel burned out, with hours of work ahead of me this next week. I should be planning right this minute how I'm going to teach them the touch used in Baroque music. But I sat down with my stacks of books and music and just couldn't do it tonight.
In the past month, in addition to all this, which is a full-time job's worth of work in itself, I've prepared and Relief Society lesson (which I will teach tomorrow), written a music message for my Primary music leaders, will go visiting teaching next week, have prepared two children's birthdays, including decorating their cakes, will plan and carry out another birthday this next week for James, have finished almost all of Dallin's school clothes shopping, have written one very long letter to a birthmother and will hopefully at least start another one tomorrow, have celebrated two holidays, and have cooked countless meals, made numerous trips to the grocery store, and done a few loads of laundry. Oh, I was also sick for a few days. I've entertained plenty of neighbor children in my home too. And I've played around on the internet too much, knowing I have more important things to do.
What I haven't done? Cleaned my house. Seriously, there are some things that will not be happening until after this thing is over.
I also haven't done one stitch of adoption paperwork. That too is on hold for another few weeks. After that, it HAS to be first priority.
I haven't gone to bed at a decent hour either. Even on the nights when I knew I had to practice at 6:00 am the next morning.
Maybe that's the real reason my brain is fried.
In just over a week, I begin teaching at the BYU Organ Workshop, a four-day workshop for organists of all levels. I volunteered for this--it's something I did years ago and have been wanting to do for a very long time.
I'm more than a bit intimidated, since most of the other presenters are people with Phd's, people who are teaching organ professionally on a daily basis. I have one friend coming who is just like me--a mom doing organ on the side. But other than that, everyone has WAY more experience than I do. I'm trying not to think about that. But yesterday when I was practicing for one of the small performances I'll be doing, I had a little freak-out. I'm playing a very simple piece, one for intermediate students. It's just to demo to the participants music from the different independent study levels that they can learn. This is the type of piece I would have played in my first year or two of taking organ lessons. But see, I haven't performed in years. The last time I played a classical piece in a recital-type setting was before Dallin was born. That was at a ward talent show, and believe it or not, I got nervous. Me, nervous at a ward talent show. Now I get to play in front of my former peers, some of whom are college professors. So I had a freak out, and my simple little piece fell apart right there in my practice session. It's good, I suppose. I need to put myself under some stress the next few times I play it.
In spite of my best efforts to organize my time wisely over the past few months, I still feel very unprepared for this workshop. I have practiced 2-3 times a week, which is no small feat considering I have to go to the church to do so. I have gone to the church to practice at 6:00 am at least once a week for over a month. That's so I can be done before James goes to work. Those of you who know me well, know that I am no morning person. 6:00 am is a real sacrifice, but I've been really motivated. To be honest, I kind of like practicing that early--I'm very productive. It's just the getting-out-of-bed part that hard. This next week, I need to practice every day. I'm still not quite sure how that's going to happen, but happen it must. I've got a few neighbors who will be paying up on the babysitting they owe me, that's for sure.
I was assigned three classes to teach. 1) hymn improvisation. OK, not my strongest point, but I can do the basics--I can teach beginners. Let's just hope they don't ask me to improvise something really fancy for them. I plan to keep them way too busy to have time to listen to me improvise! 2) level 3 organ techniques and repertoire. Yeah, there are 12 pieces that I get to demonstrate and discuss with the students. In spite of the fact that I have a master's degree in organ performance, I actually owned the music for only about 3-4 of those pieces. I owned one of the three method books I was supposed to teach out of. Needless to say, about half of my salary for this workshop is going to be going to pay for all the music I've had to buy. We're not talking piddly little pieces of sheet music--we're talking individual pieces that can only be found in books ranging around $20-30. Multiple books. In spite of the fact that none of these pieces are particularly difficult, it's taken hours of time to work each of them up to the level that I can teach the students everything they need to know about all the little nuances of playing them.
3) Creating preludes and postludes from the hymnbook. OK, this class is a lecture-demonstration where I'm supposed to perform all the arrangements that I've created. Yeah, all those arrangements I've created. I've spent the past six weeks composing hymn arrangements so I'd have something to play.
Not to complain, though. This has been good for me! Writing all those hymn arrangements has helped me hone all the skills I need to teach hymn improvisation. After all, composing is just improvising written down, right? And buying all those music and method books has meant that I now have the teaching library I should have had years ago (I just never had sufficient motivation to put out the money for books I myself wasn't going to use.) Now I don't ever have to think again, "Gee, I really should buy that method book, but wow, $60 is a lot of money." I don't have to think that because now I actually own the $60 book!
And hey, it feelsl good to practice regularly! I've even had the thought that maybe I could go down to the church once a week at 6:00 am on a regular basis. (We'll see how many weeks it takes for that thought to disappear from my mine.)
So right now, I have to finish writing out notes and outlines for my classes, put the finishing touches on my hymn arrangements, work out the improvisations I want to demonstrate (which technically means I won't be improvising, but who cares about technicalities, right?), and practice enough that I won't be overcome by the stage fright I'm sure to feel.
And I feel fried. I already feel burned out, with hours of work ahead of me this next week. I should be planning right this minute how I'm going to teach them the touch used in Baroque music. But I sat down with my stacks of books and music and just couldn't do it tonight.
In the past month, in addition to all this, which is a full-time job's worth of work in itself, I've prepared and Relief Society lesson (which I will teach tomorrow), written a music message for my Primary music leaders, will go visiting teaching next week, have prepared two children's birthdays, including decorating their cakes, will plan and carry out another birthday this next week for James, have finished almost all of Dallin's school clothes shopping, have written one very long letter to a birthmother and will hopefully at least start another one tomorrow, have celebrated two holidays, and have cooked countless meals, made numerous trips to the grocery store, and done a few loads of laundry. Oh, I was also sick for a few days. I've entertained plenty of neighbor children in my home too. And I've played around on the internet too much, knowing I have more important things to do.
What I haven't done? Cleaned my house. Seriously, there are some things that will not be happening until after this thing is over.
I also haven't done one stitch of adoption paperwork. That too is on hold for another few weeks. After that, it HAS to be first priority.
I haven't gone to bed at a decent hour either. Even on the nights when I knew I had to practice at 6:00 am the next morning.
Maybe that's the real reason my brain is fried.
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