Since I just got back from Women's Conference, I wanted to write down all the great stuff I learned before it exits my brain. I got a free ticket since I was playing the organ, and I took advantage of that and got two kid-free days, time with my mom (who went with me), and the benefit of other people's wisdom on many topics.
Mostly I went to parenting classes. Gee, do you think maybe that's the stage of life I'm in right now? :) Judging from how full all those parenting classes were, lots of moms are just like me looking for advice and insight on how to deal with our precious bundles of joy.
First we were treated to a magnificent address by Sheri Dew. The most profound thing I remember her saying was that to come to Christ means to walk away from the world. I don't know about other people, but I always struggle with how to come to Christ. What exactly does that mean? If I read my scriptures and say my prayers, will it automatically happen? Sister Dew's counsel to walk away from the things of the world was so profound. It's impossible to listen to Sheri Dew without coming away with the powerful feeling that you ARE a daughter of God and must do whatever it takes to build His kingdom.
The next class I went to was on surviving young motherhood. I kind of smile because I am NOT young, but my children are. This class, too, brought out exactly the things I needed to hear. The speakers focused on giving up the things of the world, particularly hobbies, aspirations, and personal interests, to spend more time with our children. Two speakers touched on this same area, and it was one that spoke to my heart. Both were stay-at-home moms who found themselves getting too caught up in various projects and activities, and having to make the excruciating choices to cut these things out of their lives in order to be more present for their families at home. One mentioned that the Lord often asks us to sacrifice things dear to us in order to be better mothers. She read from the story of Lehi leaving Jerusalem, talking about how he had to give up all his riches and dwell in a tent with only the bare necessities for many years in order to lead his family to the promised land.
I guess these sisters' personal accounts touched me because lately I've been seeing just how hard it is to be a good enough mother when I am pulled in all directions because of the commitments I've taken on. My church calling has gotten increasingly demanding. I've been involved in some of these organ things, which have been good. But these things, combined with teaching piano, have meant that I've had to get babysitters for my children far more often than I think is OK, and when we've been home, I've been rushing from one thing to the next and stressing about all these things, rather than being able to freely spend time with my children and give them everything they need. I think that's been OK for a short season, but even before hearing this talk, I'd been realizing that something has to change. At this point I think that something is going to be my piano teaching, though I'm not exactly sure when or how the change will occur. I know that either when we get our next baby or when we move, whichever comes first, I will stop teaching piano for an extended period of time. I'm feeling that pull toward family, toward circling the wagons around my own little group of loved ones and cutting out some of the other things that create such demands on my time and energy. Poor Dallin hasn't even had a piano lesson in several months because I've been so busy with other people's piano lessons. Something is wrong with this picture!
Friday morning we got to listen to Sister Beck speak. I really love her. I feel such empathy for her in such a tough calling. I can't imagine what it must be like to get up and speak the Lord's truth to women knowing that many vehemently dislike you and have openly rejected your previous efforts to counsel them. Sister Beck spoke of making our homes a safe haven from the world, little fortresses that are protected from the evil on the outside. Once again, I got that message that the most important work I can ever do is at home with my children, teaching them, molding them, and keeping them spiritually safe.
Later on, I attended a class on the topic of helping children learn about modesty and chastity. One of the speakers was Sister Lant, the general primary president. As I serve in primary, and particularly after getting to attend the stake primary auxiliary training meeting just before conference, I've gained a newfound respect for her. She talked about the four gifts of mortality: bodies, the gospel, agency, and the Atonement. She said that we must know how to be in, but not of, the world before we can ever teach it to our children. She spoke of the importance of having a trusting relationship with our kids, with open communication. She talked about helping them stay engaged in good activities, developing talents, etc.--to fill their lives with good things that would help them not feel a need for the bad. She seemed to speak a lot to us mothers, encouraging us to look at our own behavior before attempting to teach our children. She defined the word modesty as moderation--not being "too" anything in our dress or action--too short, too low, too flashy, too trendy, etc. She also said that we need to look inward at how we identify ourselves: do we define ourselves byt the standards of the world or the standards of the Lord?
The woman that spoke with Sister Lant focused on helping children find their own answers to questions about modesty and chastity by teaching them to search the scriptures themselves--they need to be spiritually empowered. She also talked about the importance of role-playing with children scenarios they might someday face. This really inspired me, and I think we will be having a few Family Home Evenings where we read from the scriptures and role play about modesty!
Friday afternoon, I attended a class on teaching children the value of work, by Ivan and Lucy Beutler. As we were in line, many of us were laughing because of the sheer number of people waiting to get in this class--obviously teaching children to work is a challenge for ALOT of parents. This is a tough area for me because while I love to work hard at things that interest me, chores such as housework are not first on my list (as anyone who's seen my house can attest!) How can I teach my children to work when I myself hate doing chores and tend to procrastinate them?
Well, there were some good answers. The speakers first talked about how the world glamourizes speed, glamour, gratification, luck, and windfalls. They noted that work is the antidote for the "easy street" syndrome.
First, they talked about the spiritual value of work. Elder Maxwell said that work is always a spiritual necessity even if not an economic one. They suggested looking up the work "work" in the Doctrine and Covenants and reading the related scriptures. I'll have to do that soon. They said that children who learn to work are better at keeping covenants. They also taught that what we are doing as parents to teach our children to work is covenant work--and therefore we can ask God's help.
I loved that they said there is no right way to go about work! I think this has been a hang-up for me. I have memories of my childhood weeding huge gardens, watering lots of trees, hanging clothes on the line, feeding chickens, etc. The speakers noted that this kind of work is not as readily available to parents and children today, and maybe we need to broaden our definition of work. For example, a child studying for school is doing work. Taking piano lessons is work. Though household chores are work, there may not be enough of them to completely teach our children to work hard, and that is OK--we can find other things! They mentioned that even play can teach young children to work. When our little ones play with baby dolls, for example, we can encourage them to take care of their babies in the way grown-ups take care of real babies. Work is basically anything children do to contribute to the family.
They talked about different family styles, and how it is OK to be different. One family may be quite authoritative about how work is assigned and accomplished, where another might be more democratic, but both ways are alright. We must consider time, financial means, and our family disposition when deciding how to incorporate work into our children's lives.
They then talked about why it is such a challenge to teach our children to work, mentioning that the main reason is that there is no support in the world culture for family work! They even mentioned that we do not celebrate work. For example, do we ever take pictures of our children working?
They spoke of the Lord's pattern for work, which consists of both seedtime and harvest, and includes patience and labor. They referred to a talk by L. Tom Perry in the November 1988 Ensign entitled "Train Up a Child", where he speaks of cleanliness, order, and conservation. They noted that we need to teach our children to care for their own physical needs. This is a big issue with Dallin. He is in a bad habit of expecting mom and dad to do virtually everything for him, including helping him get dressed at times (though he is perfectly capable of doing it on his own), getting him a drink of water when he could do it himself, etc. It is a huge challenge for me to find the balance between serving him out of love and ensuring that he do things for himself. I feel like the meanest mom in the world when I tell him "get your own ______", even when I know he needs to do it himself. We also need to teach our children to help care for their other siblings.
They mentioned that Family Home Evening is a great teaching time. They once had their children draw pictures of the jobs they had to do, and the pictures were extremely revealing as to the actual jobs and how the children perceived themselves doing those jobs.
Next, the spoke of how the Lord's way is to nurture, and how nurturing means to discipline with love. They referred to D&C 121:41-42 and also referenced a talk by Sister Bonnie Parkin, "Nurturing Looks Like Disciplining With Love", from the June 2006 Ensign. They said that laughing is also nurturing to our children, so we needed to include an element of fun in our work, such as doing things together.
They also said that nurturing looks like establishing a routine in our home, with predictable times to work. I know this is a big thing for me, and a major reason why chores often don't get done. They encouraged us to come to understand our children's skills and interests, again seeing that work is not just about chores. Are our children learning to sew, use tools, make things rather than buy them?
They noted that it's important for us to do some hard things! Nature resists us, and we must work hard to get a harvest. The Lord's way is patience, labor, waiting, and sacrifice.
Be careful when we desire things to be better for our children than they were for us. Be careful about feelings of entitlement or our children feeling like they are owed something (like money) for their work.
We need to ask ourselves if our children feel of both our love and our sacrifice? Finally, our best friend will be the prayers we ask and the promptings we receive as we seek to know how work will help our children.
The conference ended with an address by President Monson. He told the same stories I've heard many times before, but they seemed more poignant this time, and at one point, it hit me very hard that these are not just nice stories to make us all feel good--he tells these stories because he wants us to learn from the stories and do the Christ-like thing. I was very touched by that.
So now I'm feeling quite motivated to turn over a new leaf in our home! I'm feeling a much more profound sense of the value of my role as mother. Two days away from my kids has made me feel much more loving and patient toward them, and now I'm full of great ideas on how to help us all be better people. :)
Mostly I went to parenting classes. Gee, do you think maybe that's the stage of life I'm in right now? :) Judging from how full all those parenting classes were, lots of moms are just like me looking for advice and insight on how to deal with our precious bundles of joy.
First we were treated to a magnificent address by Sheri Dew. The most profound thing I remember her saying was that to come to Christ means to walk away from the world. I don't know about other people, but I always struggle with how to come to Christ. What exactly does that mean? If I read my scriptures and say my prayers, will it automatically happen? Sister Dew's counsel to walk away from the things of the world was so profound. It's impossible to listen to Sheri Dew without coming away with the powerful feeling that you ARE a daughter of God and must do whatever it takes to build His kingdom.
The next class I went to was on surviving young motherhood. I kind of smile because I am NOT young, but my children are. This class, too, brought out exactly the things I needed to hear. The speakers focused on giving up the things of the world, particularly hobbies, aspirations, and personal interests, to spend more time with our children. Two speakers touched on this same area, and it was one that spoke to my heart. Both were stay-at-home moms who found themselves getting too caught up in various projects and activities, and having to make the excruciating choices to cut these things out of their lives in order to be more present for their families at home. One mentioned that the Lord often asks us to sacrifice things dear to us in order to be better mothers. She read from the story of Lehi leaving Jerusalem, talking about how he had to give up all his riches and dwell in a tent with only the bare necessities for many years in order to lead his family to the promised land.
I guess these sisters' personal accounts touched me because lately I've been seeing just how hard it is to be a good enough mother when I am pulled in all directions because of the commitments I've taken on. My church calling has gotten increasingly demanding. I've been involved in some of these organ things, which have been good. But these things, combined with teaching piano, have meant that I've had to get babysitters for my children far more often than I think is OK, and when we've been home, I've been rushing from one thing to the next and stressing about all these things, rather than being able to freely spend time with my children and give them everything they need. I think that's been OK for a short season, but even before hearing this talk, I'd been realizing that something has to change. At this point I think that something is going to be my piano teaching, though I'm not exactly sure when or how the change will occur. I know that either when we get our next baby or when we move, whichever comes first, I will stop teaching piano for an extended period of time. I'm feeling that pull toward family, toward circling the wagons around my own little group of loved ones and cutting out some of the other things that create such demands on my time and energy. Poor Dallin hasn't even had a piano lesson in several months because I've been so busy with other people's piano lessons. Something is wrong with this picture!
Friday morning we got to listen to Sister Beck speak. I really love her. I feel such empathy for her in such a tough calling. I can't imagine what it must be like to get up and speak the Lord's truth to women knowing that many vehemently dislike you and have openly rejected your previous efforts to counsel them. Sister Beck spoke of making our homes a safe haven from the world, little fortresses that are protected from the evil on the outside. Once again, I got that message that the most important work I can ever do is at home with my children, teaching them, molding them, and keeping them spiritually safe.
Later on, I attended a class on the topic of helping children learn about modesty and chastity. One of the speakers was Sister Lant, the general primary president. As I serve in primary, and particularly after getting to attend the stake primary auxiliary training meeting just before conference, I've gained a newfound respect for her. She talked about the four gifts of mortality: bodies, the gospel, agency, and the Atonement. She said that we must know how to be in, but not of, the world before we can ever teach it to our children. She spoke of the importance of having a trusting relationship with our kids, with open communication. She talked about helping them stay engaged in good activities, developing talents, etc.--to fill their lives with good things that would help them not feel a need for the bad. She seemed to speak a lot to us mothers, encouraging us to look at our own behavior before attempting to teach our children. She defined the word modesty as moderation--not being "too" anything in our dress or action--too short, too low, too flashy, too trendy, etc. She also said that we need to look inward at how we identify ourselves: do we define ourselves byt the standards of the world or the standards of the Lord?
The woman that spoke with Sister Lant focused on helping children find their own answers to questions about modesty and chastity by teaching them to search the scriptures themselves--they need to be spiritually empowered. She also talked about the importance of role-playing with children scenarios they might someday face. This really inspired me, and I think we will be having a few Family Home Evenings where we read from the scriptures and role play about modesty!
Friday afternoon, I attended a class on teaching children the value of work, by Ivan and Lucy Beutler. As we were in line, many of us were laughing because of the sheer number of people waiting to get in this class--obviously teaching children to work is a challenge for ALOT of parents. This is a tough area for me because while I love to work hard at things that interest me, chores such as housework are not first on my list (as anyone who's seen my house can attest!) How can I teach my children to work when I myself hate doing chores and tend to procrastinate them?
Well, there were some good answers. The speakers first talked about how the world glamourizes speed, glamour, gratification, luck, and windfalls. They noted that work is the antidote for the "easy street" syndrome.
First, they talked about the spiritual value of work. Elder Maxwell said that work is always a spiritual necessity even if not an economic one. They suggested looking up the work "work" in the Doctrine and Covenants and reading the related scriptures. I'll have to do that soon. They said that children who learn to work are better at keeping covenants. They also taught that what we are doing as parents to teach our children to work is covenant work--and therefore we can ask God's help.
I loved that they said there is no right way to go about work! I think this has been a hang-up for me. I have memories of my childhood weeding huge gardens, watering lots of trees, hanging clothes on the line, feeding chickens, etc. The speakers noted that this kind of work is not as readily available to parents and children today, and maybe we need to broaden our definition of work. For example, a child studying for school is doing work. Taking piano lessons is work. Though household chores are work, there may not be enough of them to completely teach our children to work hard, and that is OK--we can find other things! They mentioned that even play can teach young children to work. When our little ones play with baby dolls, for example, we can encourage them to take care of their babies in the way grown-ups take care of real babies. Work is basically anything children do to contribute to the family.
They talked about different family styles, and how it is OK to be different. One family may be quite authoritative about how work is assigned and accomplished, where another might be more democratic, but both ways are alright. We must consider time, financial means, and our family disposition when deciding how to incorporate work into our children's lives.
They then talked about why it is such a challenge to teach our children to work, mentioning that the main reason is that there is no support in the world culture for family work! They even mentioned that we do not celebrate work. For example, do we ever take pictures of our children working?
They spoke of the Lord's pattern for work, which consists of both seedtime and harvest, and includes patience and labor. They referred to a talk by L. Tom Perry in the November 1988 Ensign entitled "Train Up a Child", where he speaks of cleanliness, order, and conservation. They noted that we need to teach our children to care for their own physical needs. This is a big issue with Dallin. He is in a bad habit of expecting mom and dad to do virtually everything for him, including helping him get dressed at times (though he is perfectly capable of doing it on his own), getting him a drink of water when he could do it himself, etc. It is a huge challenge for me to find the balance between serving him out of love and ensuring that he do things for himself. I feel like the meanest mom in the world when I tell him "get your own ______", even when I know he needs to do it himself. We also need to teach our children to help care for their other siblings.
They mentioned that Family Home Evening is a great teaching time. They once had their children draw pictures of the jobs they had to do, and the pictures were extremely revealing as to the actual jobs and how the children perceived themselves doing those jobs.
Next, the spoke of how the Lord's way is to nurture, and how nurturing means to discipline with love. They referred to D&C 121:41-42 and also referenced a talk by Sister Bonnie Parkin, "Nurturing Looks Like Disciplining With Love", from the June 2006 Ensign. They said that laughing is also nurturing to our children, so we needed to include an element of fun in our work, such as doing things together.
They also said that nurturing looks like establishing a routine in our home, with predictable times to work. I know this is a big thing for me, and a major reason why chores often don't get done. They encouraged us to come to understand our children's skills and interests, again seeing that work is not just about chores. Are our children learning to sew, use tools, make things rather than buy them?
They noted that it's important for us to do some hard things! Nature resists us, and we must work hard to get a harvest. The Lord's way is patience, labor, waiting, and sacrifice.
Be careful when we desire things to be better for our children than they were for us. Be careful about feelings of entitlement or our children feeling like they are owed something (like money) for their work.
We need to ask ourselves if our children feel of both our love and our sacrifice? Finally, our best friend will be the prayers we ask and the promptings we receive as we seek to know how work will help our children.
The conference ended with an address by President Monson. He told the same stories I've heard many times before, but they seemed more poignant this time, and at one point, it hit me very hard that these are not just nice stories to make us all feel good--he tells these stories because he wants us to learn from the stories and do the Christ-like thing. I was very touched by that.
So now I'm feeling quite motivated to turn over a new leaf in our home! I'm feeling a much more profound sense of the value of my role as mother. Two days away from my kids has made me feel much more loving and patient toward them, and now I'm full of great ideas on how to help us all be better people. :)
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