J and I just spent the weekend attending our required adoption education classes sponsored by LDS Family Services.
It was wonderful!
I have a history with these classes, and it's a not-so-great one. The first time we went to adoption education, I was really excited. I had been waiting for this! But I wasn't prepared for the emotions that these classes stirred within me. Each time we drove home from class, I sat silent and sullen in the car trying to deal with my disappointment. I had read and read and read adoption literature. I was very prepared when it came to adoption. Yet the classes barely skimmed the basics. Rather than hearing everyone's sappy stories about meeting birth mothers and holding babies for the first time, I wanted to hear about parenting. I wanted the meat! I also found myself feeling especially shy--it was uncomfortable to talk to other couples. I hated the awkward feeling of having to be educated, of having it assumed that I knew nothing.
The second time we went to adoption education, things were better, but I still found myself frustrated a lot of the time. I still had that sense of pride--I wanted to be teaching the classes rather than taking them. I often find myself disagreeing under my breath with things that were taught or the way they were presented. We still stood around awkwardly afterwards eating our refreshments and trying to figure out how to make some friends.
So, I hadn't particularly been looking forward to adoption education round three. I figured it was just something we had to sit through to check off another requirement for our homstudy.
Boy, was I in for a pleasant surprise!
The first presentation of the night was on infertility. I was mildly annoyed when the facilitator divided us into groups and asked us to discuss how we felt when we first knew we could not bear children. After all, that was years ago--it didn't seem especially relevant to me right now. However, the overall class was so inspired! I needed to be reminded that grieving infertility is a cyclical thing, and that it's completely normal to revisit feelings about it again and again over the years. For the past while I have definitely been grieving some things quite heavily, and feeling quite heavily guilty about it too--I mean, I've adopted two children and should be past all this, right? It was such a relief to be reminded, "Hey, this is normal. You're normal!" I felt the spirit strongly--it amazed me how the things I needed to hear were the things that were said.
The second presentation was a panel of adoptive parents. This is exactly the kind of panel that annoyed me to no end the first time we took classes, but this time, it was just what I needed to hear. It was, once again, the sharing of how people dealt with the process of adoption, and the relating of the miracles involved. It allowed me to reflect on our own prior adoptions and to feel the spirit testify to me that God has been involved from the beginning and will create a miracle for us one more time. Yes, they were tender and schmaltzy stories, and they hit the spot perfectly. Unlike eight years ago, I think that I now have all I need of parenting information--what I needed was plain old sap.
Saturday's classes were good as well, but it was those two Friday night presentations that filled my heart and soul with the beauty of adoption and let me know that we are in just the right place. I felt no awkwardness, no negative emotions, no nothing--just peace and hope.
It was wonderful!
I have a history with these classes, and it's a not-so-great one. The first time we went to adoption education, I was really excited. I had been waiting for this! But I wasn't prepared for the emotions that these classes stirred within me. Each time we drove home from class, I sat silent and sullen in the car trying to deal with my disappointment. I had read and read and read adoption literature. I was very prepared when it came to adoption. Yet the classes barely skimmed the basics. Rather than hearing everyone's sappy stories about meeting birth mothers and holding babies for the first time, I wanted to hear about parenting. I wanted the meat! I also found myself feeling especially shy--it was uncomfortable to talk to other couples. I hated the awkward feeling of having to be educated, of having it assumed that I knew nothing.
The second time we went to adoption education, things were better, but I still found myself frustrated a lot of the time. I still had that sense of pride--I wanted to be teaching the classes rather than taking them. I often find myself disagreeing under my breath with things that were taught or the way they were presented. We still stood around awkwardly afterwards eating our refreshments and trying to figure out how to make some friends.
So, I hadn't particularly been looking forward to adoption education round three. I figured it was just something we had to sit through to check off another requirement for our homstudy.
Boy, was I in for a pleasant surprise!
The first presentation of the night was on infertility. I was mildly annoyed when the facilitator divided us into groups and asked us to discuss how we felt when we first knew we could not bear children. After all, that was years ago--it didn't seem especially relevant to me right now. However, the overall class was so inspired! I needed to be reminded that grieving infertility is a cyclical thing, and that it's completely normal to revisit feelings about it again and again over the years. For the past while I have definitely been grieving some things quite heavily, and feeling quite heavily guilty about it too--I mean, I've adopted two children and should be past all this, right? It was such a relief to be reminded, "Hey, this is normal. You're normal!" I felt the spirit strongly--it amazed me how the things I needed to hear were the things that were said.
The second presentation was a panel of adoptive parents. This is exactly the kind of panel that annoyed me to no end the first time we took classes, but this time, it was just what I needed to hear. It was, once again, the sharing of how people dealt with the process of adoption, and the relating of the miracles involved. It allowed me to reflect on our own prior adoptions and to feel the spirit testify to me that God has been involved from the beginning and will create a miracle for us one more time. Yes, they were tender and schmaltzy stories, and they hit the spot perfectly. Unlike eight years ago, I think that I now have all I need of parenting information--what I needed was plain old sap.
Saturday's classes were good as well, but it was those two Friday night presentations that filled my heart and soul with the beauty of adoption and let me know that we are in just the right place. I felt no awkwardness, no negative emotions, no nothing--just peace and hope.
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