I promise I haven't forgotten about my attachment parenting basics series. (Though probably nobody really cares about it except for me...) I'm in the midst of several huge projects at the moment, some of the involving writing. I'm trying to make Dallin's lifebook and Sariah's mini lifebook before their birthdays. I also still have to write our Dear Birthparent letter and finish our website. And birthday letters to birth families will be coming up soon. And I'm teaching again at the BYU Organ Workshop and am trying to figure out when to prepare for that. School gets out next week, and thus begins our no-TV and no-computer summer, so I will have even less time to blog. (Though I'm not telling my kids that Mommy's no-computer time ends when they go to bed! Shhh!)
However, I do want to finish this series because it is so important to me. And because some of the best topics are among the last!
This is from the Attachment Parenting International website:
Babies are born with urgent and intense needs and depend completely on others to meet them. Nurturing touch helps meet a baby's need for physical contact, affection, security, stimulation and movement. Parents who choose a nurturing approach to physical interactions with their children promote development of healthy attachments.
For more detail, follow this link: http://www.attachmentparenting.org/principles/touch.php
Rahima Baldwin Dancy, author of You Are Your Child's First Teacher, talks about the baby's experience with space in the womb. When the fetus is tiny, it floats in the watery womb. As the baby grows, it gets bigger and the space becomes more and more confining. The baby becomes accustomed to the comforting security of touch as its body is in constant contact with the walls of the uterus.
Dancy relates, "With the birth process, the baby's experience of physical space again changes. It goes through a narrowing process as contractions make its space smaller and propel it through the birth canal. Then suddenly the baby is born into seemingly endless space, where it encounters nothing when it flails its arms or legs. This is why giving a warm bath, holding a baby's arm, or swaddling it can be so consoling for a newborn or young baby. Having been used to the security of surrounding touch, babies need to be reassured by touch after they emerge from the womb."
Dr. Harvey Karp, author of The Happiest Baby on the Block, notes that the first three months after birth are like a fourth trimester. Baby NEEDS womb-time, only on the outside instead of on the inside, they need to be physically attached to their mother or another human being as much as possible.
In the book Attached at the Heart, authors Barbara Nicholson and Lysa Parker talk about how mammalian maternal behavior can be divided into two basic norms, cache mammals and carry mammals. Cache mammals hide their babies so the mother can hunt for food. The milk these mother produce is high in fat and protein, which lets their babies sleep for long periods of time so that they won't attract predators with their cries. Carry mammals, on the other hand, have babies who are less mature and need to be either on their mother's bodies or very close by. Their mothers produce milk that is low in fat and protein and is digested quickly, which guarantees frequent hunger on the baby's part. Therefore, the mother must stay close by in order to protect her baby, and ideally will have the baby on her body in order to move quickly if needed to escape danger.
The authors go on to say, "Human babies are by far the most immature babies born, needing constant care, including feeding, holding, rocking, and other soothing behaviors. Unfortunately, Western culture has traditionally treated human babies as if they were more like cache animals, trying to invent ways to keep them quiet and alone for as long as possible, especially at night."
Nicholson and Parker then mention that researchers have found that babies in the U.S. and England are, on average, held for only 25% of their daytime hours. This number went down to 16% by nine months of age. In contrast, one African tribe's babies are "in touch" with their mothers for about 70% of the day, and when they are not being held by their mothers, they are being held by other people. The African babies cry far less than Western babies.
Yet we live in a culture of detachment. We really do. Look around, and what do we see? Babies spending a great deal of time in swings, infant car seats, bouncers, strollers, and exersaucers. Babies sleeping alone in cribs. Parents worried about "spoiling" infants from holding them too much. Parents worried that babies won't be independent. These ways of relating to babies are so ingrained in our culture that you don't really notice them until you consciously choose to do something different. As someone who is choosing to do things differently, I notice! I notice how many babies at church spend 90% of that time sitting in their infant seats, being taken out only to be fed. Sometimes they are not even taken out to be fed. When they fuss, instead of taking baby out and holding her, some parents respond by rocking the seat. This is absolutely normal to most people; they don't even think twice about it.
So what are some ways that we can increase touch time for our infants?
The first is obvious: hold your baby. There is no need to worry about spoiling an infant or setting up bad habits later. A baby needing physical contact with a parent is not a bad habit to be managed!
Dr William Sears says this in The Baby Book:
In case you are wondering how much parents should carry their babies, certainly parents have to put down their babies sometimes! ....But this style of parenting means changing your mindset regarding what babies are really like. You may envision your picture-book baby lying quietly in a crib, gazing passively at dangling mobiles, and picked up only to be fed and played with and then put down; you may think that "up" periods are just dutiful intervals to quiet your baby long enough to put him down again.
In contrast, he suggests:
Carry your baby much of the time, and put him or her down for longer nap times, nighttime, and to attend to your personal needs. ....Allow baby to enjoy down periods and freestyle movements on the carpet, but pick her up when she signals the desire to be carried.
So now you may be asking, "How can I hold my baby that much? I can't clean house, cook, play with my other kids, etc. while holding a baby?"
You can if you own a sling or other soft carrier. Slings are a relatively new concept in our culture, but peoples around the world have been using them for centuries. A sling allows you to carry your baby safely near your body while doing a myriad of other tasks.
This is me at the Cub Scout Blue and Gold Banquet when Sariah was a baby. I was a den leader and had lots to do that evening. James had a meeting and couldn't come along to help. With Sariah in this wrap, I could do everything I needed to do and keep her happy too! The wrap I'm wearing is called the Moby Wrap. You can "wear" a newborn cuddled up close, you can wear an older baby facing in or out or on you hip or back. It's so versatile! And so comfortable! The way it's wrapped distributes the weight evenly across your shoulders, and the way it's tied at the waist provides support there too.
I also had a Maya Wrap, which is a ring sling (note the large ring near the shoulder).
Once again, you can wear the baby in several different positions. Both of these carries take a bit of getting used to, but once you get the hang of them, they are lifesavers, especially if you have more than one child.
Babywearing, as it is called, not only lets baby experience the closeness of continual physical contact with you, but they are also a great way for baby to explore the world around them in a secure way. Think about it: would you rather lie on your back on the floor and stare at the ceiling, or would you rather be upright, seeing everything that Mommy sees and going from place to place right along with her, and having her right there when you need her.
There are other things you can do, too, to increase the amount of nurturing touch your baby receives. Skin-to-skin contact is very important. Breastfeeding babies will get this automatically, but parents who are bottlefeeding can make a conscious effort hold their babies skin to skin as well. When it's bathtime, instead of using a baby bathtub or the sink, how about getting in the tub yourself and holding your baby snugly as you wash her? Infant massage is another practice that can be extremely beneficial to babies.
The bottom line is just knowing that babies need to be touched. They NEED that physical contact with their caregivers. When parents honor that need, they are helping their babies to thrive!
(For more information on babywearing, visit http://www.thebabywearer.com/ .)
However, I do want to finish this series because it is so important to me. And because some of the best topics are among the last!
This is from the Attachment Parenting International website:
Babies are born with urgent and intense needs and depend completely on others to meet them. Nurturing touch helps meet a baby's need for physical contact, affection, security, stimulation and movement. Parents who choose a nurturing approach to physical interactions with their children promote development of healthy attachments.
For more detail, follow this link: http://www.attachmentparenting.org/principles/touch.php
Rahima Baldwin Dancy, author of You Are Your Child's First Teacher, talks about the baby's experience with space in the womb. When the fetus is tiny, it floats in the watery womb. As the baby grows, it gets bigger and the space becomes more and more confining. The baby becomes accustomed to the comforting security of touch as its body is in constant contact with the walls of the uterus.
Dancy relates, "With the birth process, the baby's experience of physical space again changes. It goes through a narrowing process as contractions make its space smaller and propel it through the birth canal. Then suddenly the baby is born into seemingly endless space, where it encounters nothing when it flails its arms or legs. This is why giving a warm bath, holding a baby's arm, or swaddling it can be so consoling for a newborn or young baby. Having been used to the security of surrounding touch, babies need to be reassured by touch after they emerge from the womb."
Dr. Harvey Karp, author of The Happiest Baby on the Block, notes that the first three months after birth are like a fourth trimester. Baby NEEDS womb-time, only on the outside instead of on the inside, they need to be physically attached to their mother or another human being as much as possible.
In the book Attached at the Heart, authors Barbara Nicholson and Lysa Parker talk about how mammalian maternal behavior can be divided into two basic norms, cache mammals and carry mammals. Cache mammals hide their babies so the mother can hunt for food. The milk these mother produce is high in fat and protein, which lets their babies sleep for long periods of time so that they won't attract predators with their cries. Carry mammals, on the other hand, have babies who are less mature and need to be either on their mother's bodies or very close by. Their mothers produce milk that is low in fat and protein and is digested quickly, which guarantees frequent hunger on the baby's part. Therefore, the mother must stay close by in order to protect her baby, and ideally will have the baby on her body in order to move quickly if needed to escape danger.
The authors go on to say, "Human babies are by far the most immature babies born, needing constant care, including feeding, holding, rocking, and other soothing behaviors. Unfortunately, Western culture has traditionally treated human babies as if they were more like cache animals, trying to invent ways to keep them quiet and alone for as long as possible, especially at night."
Nicholson and Parker then mention that researchers have found that babies in the U.S. and England are, on average, held for only 25% of their daytime hours. This number went down to 16% by nine months of age. In contrast, one African tribe's babies are "in touch" with their mothers for about 70% of the day, and when they are not being held by their mothers, they are being held by other people. The African babies cry far less than Western babies.
Dr. Jay Gordon, in his book Good Nights, discusses how caring human touch is as essential to a baby's survival as food. Scientific evidence shows that "being near a parent on a regular basis helps babies regulate many vital functions their fledgling nervous systems have yet to perfect, including heart rate and rhythm, hormone levels, blood pressure, and body temperature."
I especially love this statement from Dr. Gordon: "Touch actually rivals mother's milk as a baby's body builder." Let me repeat that:
Touch actually rivals mother's milk as a baby's body builder!Yet we live in a culture of detachment. We really do. Look around, and what do we see? Babies spending a great deal of time in swings, infant car seats, bouncers, strollers, and exersaucers. Babies sleeping alone in cribs. Parents worried about "spoiling" infants from holding them too much. Parents worried that babies won't be independent. These ways of relating to babies are so ingrained in our culture that you don't really notice them until you consciously choose to do something different. As someone who is choosing to do things differently, I notice! I notice how many babies at church spend 90% of that time sitting in their infant seats, being taken out only to be fed. Sometimes they are not even taken out to be fed. When they fuss, instead of taking baby out and holding her, some parents respond by rocking the seat. This is absolutely normal to most people; they don't even think twice about it.
So what are some ways that we can increase touch time for our infants?
The first is obvious: hold your baby. There is no need to worry about spoiling an infant or setting up bad habits later. A baby needing physical contact with a parent is not a bad habit to be managed!
Dr William Sears says this in The Baby Book:
In case you are wondering how much parents should carry their babies, certainly parents have to put down their babies sometimes! ....But this style of parenting means changing your mindset regarding what babies are really like. You may envision your picture-book baby lying quietly in a crib, gazing passively at dangling mobiles, and picked up only to be fed and played with and then put down; you may think that "up" periods are just dutiful intervals to quiet your baby long enough to put him down again.
In contrast, he suggests:
Carry your baby much of the time, and put him or her down for longer nap times, nighttime, and to attend to your personal needs. ....Allow baby to enjoy down periods and freestyle movements on the carpet, but pick her up when she signals the desire to be carried.
So now you may be asking, "How can I hold my baby that much? I can't clean house, cook, play with my other kids, etc. while holding a baby?"
You can if you own a sling or other soft carrier. Slings are a relatively new concept in our culture, but peoples around the world have been using them for centuries. A sling allows you to carry your baby safely near your body while doing a myriad of other tasks.
This is me at the Cub Scout Blue and Gold Banquet when Sariah was a baby. I was a den leader and had lots to do that evening. James had a meeting and couldn't come along to help. With Sariah in this wrap, I could do everything I needed to do and keep her happy too! The wrap I'm wearing is called the Moby Wrap. You can "wear" a newborn cuddled up close, you can wear an older baby facing in or out or on you hip or back. It's so versatile! And so comfortable! The way it's wrapped distributes the weight evenly across your shoulders, and the way it's tied at the waist provides support there too.
I also had a Maya Wrap, which is a ring sling (note the large ring near the shoulder).
Once again, you can wear the baby in several different positions. Both of these carries take a bit of getting used to, but once you get the hang of them, they are lifesavers, especially if you have more than one child.
Babywearing, as it is called, not only lets baby experience the closeness of continual physical contact with you, but they are also a great way for baby to explore the world around them in a secure way. Think about it: would you rather lie on your back on the floor and stare at the ceiling, or would you rather be upright, seeing everything that Mommy sees and going from place to place right along with her, and having her right there when you need her.
What really makes more sense? This?
Or this?
There are other things you can do, too, to increase the amount of nurturing touch your baby receives. Skin-to-skin contact is very important. Breastfeeding babies will get this automatically, but parents who are bottlefeeding can make a conscious effort hold their babies skin to skin as well. When it's bathtime, instead of using a baby bathtub or the sink, how about getting in the tub yourself and holding your baby snugly as you wash her? Infant massage is another practice that can be extremely beneficial to babies.
The bottom line is just knowing that babies need to be touched. They NEED that physical contact with their caregivers. When parents honor that need, they are helping their babies to thrive!
(For more information on babywearing, visit http://www.thebabywearer.com/ .)
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