I'm back from my week in Provo at the BYU Organ Workshop. It was amazing! I had such a wonderful time! I can't wait to do it again next year (only I think I probably won't get to do it again next year since there might hopefully be a new baby by then).
I was nervous. James gave me a blessing Sunday night, and that made me feel much more peaceful, but I was still nervous Tuesday morning, particularly about performing. The piece I was playing was relatively simple, but I haven't performed in a recital-type setting in over six years.
I got to see several old friends from grad school. It was so fun to remember old times and to catch up on everyone's life. It's fun to interact again as colleagues instead of fellow students.
The address at the opening session was given by Dr. Parley Belnap, one of my old professors, and it hit on literally every single issue I have faced as a musician over the past few years and also everything I was feeling about being at the conference that day. He talked about dealing with performance anxiety and how our thoughts literally control our reality. If we believe something won't or can't happen, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. I have seen in my own life how my self-defeating beliefs kept me from progressing as a musician, and how my working on overcoming those thoughts has made all the difference in the world. He talked about balancing professional/musical pursuits with family life, and how important it is to put first things first. He told a wonderful story of a woman who had studied as a college student with some of the greatest organists in the world and was on the fast-track to a career as a concert organist. But then she found the gospel, was baptized, and ended up married with eventually seven children. She gave up her concert career to be a stay-at-home mom to seven children. But the Lord remembered her--she and her husband were called on a mission to England to serve in the Hyde Park Chapel in London. Part of her mission assignment was to oversee the concert series at the chapel and to teach piano and organ. She had made great personal sacrifices to be a mother to her children, yet Heavenly Father was keenly aware of her talents and provided an opportunity for her to use them.
I was nervous for the lunchtime "recital", and my hands were shaking as I played. I hoped nobody could see. But I did it! I made it through the piece without jumping off the bench, and I played reasonably well without any glaringly obvious mistakes. I was also a bit nervous teaching my first class, but that subsided within a few minutes.
After Tuesday at about 1:45, all my fears and worries were gone, and the rest of the week I just had a wonderfully great time. It was a total high! I came home every night completely exhausted, but also completely filled mentally and emotionally. I love teaching, and I especially love teaching organ It's what I was born to do! I always feel such flow when I'm in front of groups teaching music--there's nothing quite like it.
The hymn improvisation class that I was so stressed about and intimidated by? Turned out to be the highlight of my week! I had SUCH positive feedback on it from many of the students who attended. I even had one woman tell me that it was the best class she's taken in 3 years of attending this workshop and that I was her favorite teacher this whole week. I'm telling you, that made my day! (Actually, that made my life!) Several students said they were so excited to have skills and easy things to do that they could take home and apply immediately. I gave a shortened version of this class in the form of a lunchtime listening session where I played all those "arrangements" I had to write this summer. As I sat practicing before the class started, I had more than one person come up and ask me, "Who wrote that?" It was such a great feeling to say, "I did!" Numerous people wanted copies of the music I'd written, and I've decided this is the incentive I need to start doing some composing and arranging. A guy I went to school with has started a website for people to download organ music, and I'm going to perfect my arrangements and post them on his site, where I can get paid for my stuff.
I got to have lengthy chats with my old teacher, Dr. Cook, and my old professor, Dr. Belnap, and we were able to talk about where my life is been and where it's headed it terms of music. I was able to express some of the struggles and insecurities I've had and get feedback and encouragement from them. It was nice to hear Dr. Belnap tell me that he'd overheard compliments from students on my classes. It was nice to show him what I'd done with the improvisation stuff and have him seem excited about it. It was nice to have another workshop faculty member, who I didn't know very well, sit in on my improv class and tell me later than she thinks I'm a really good teacher. It was also nice to have several conversations with a guy who was a few years ahead of me in school, who was quite cocky and intimidating as a student, but who has mellowed out so much and actually treated me like a colleague, with respect. What a change! It was fun to hang out with my good friend D, go to lunch, and shoot the breeze.
Last night, we took the students up to Temple Square to listen to a recital, and then many of them got 3-minute time slots to play the organs up there--Tabernacle, Conference Center, and Assembly Hall. I got to be in the Assembly Hall assisting one of the professors. He pulled stops for people and encouraged them at the organ, and I was "policewoman", making sure people were ready to play when it was their turn. I was completely exhausted after teaching since 8:00 that morning, but it was SO fun. One of my students from Tooele was there and watching the thrill for her of getting to play "The Spirit of God" on that organ was worth it.
Yeah, I can understand now why some women really want to have careers. The constant positive strokes I got this past week could definitely become addicting! It's a weird, but rather nice, experience to have people constantly coming up to you giving you compliments and telling you how much they've loved what you've been doing. I couldn't help but think of the contrast between this and the reality that now that I'm home, my "positive strokes" will consisten mainly of whining and tantrums, and instead of writing hymn arrangements, I'll mostly be cleaning up toys and changing diapers. But I did miss my kids, and I was really excited to see them when I got home this afternoon.
Now the trick is to see if I can maintain this high and stay motivated to practice and teach. Obviously I can't go full steam like I've been doing this summer, but I need to make smaller goals to keep me connected to this world and to this instrument that I love so much.
I was nervous. James gave me a blessing Sunday night, and that made me feel much more peaceful, but I was still nervous Tuesday morning, particularly about performing. The piece I was playing was relatively simple, but I haven't performed in a recital-type setting in over six years.
I got to see several old friends from grad school. It was so fun to remember old times and to catch up on everyone's life. It's fun to interact again as colleagues instead of fellow students.
The address at the opening session was given by Dr. Parley Belnap, one of my old professors, and it hit on literally every single issue I have faced as a musician over the past few years and also everything I was feeling about being at the conference that day. He talked about dealing with performance anxiety and how our thoughts literally control our reality. If we believe something won't or can't happen, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. I have seen in my own life how my self-defeating beliefs kept me from progressing as a musician, and how my working on overcoming those thoughts has made all the difference in the world. He talked about balancing professional/musical pursuits with family life, and how important it is to put first things first. He told a wonderful story of a woman who had studied as a college student with some of the greatest organists in the world and was on the fast-track to a career as a concert organist. But then she found the gospel, was baptized, and ended up married with eventually seven children. She gave up her concert career to be a stay-at-home mom to seven children. But the Lord remembered her--she and her husband were called on a mission to England to serve in the Hyde Park Chapel in London. Part of her mission assignment was to oversee the concert series at the chapel and to teach piano and organ. She had made great personal sacrifices to be a mother to her children, yet Heavenly Father was keenly aware of her talents and provided an opportunity for her to use them.
I was nervous for the lunchtime "recital", and my hands were shaking as I played. I hoped nobody could see. But I did it! I made it through the piece without jumping off the bench, and I played reasonably well without any glaringly obvious mistakes. I was also a bit nervous teaching my first class, but that subsided within a few minutes.
After Tuesday at about 1:45, all my fears and worries were gone, and the rest of the week I just had a wonderfully great time. It was a total high! I came home every night completely exhausted, but also completely filled mentally and emotionally. I love teaching, and I especially love teaching organ It's what I was born to do! I always feel such flow when I'm in front of groups teaching music--there's nothing quite like it.
The hymn improvisation class that I was so stressed about and intimidated by? Turned out to be the highlight of my week! I had SUCH positive feedback on it from many of the students who attended. I even had one woman tell me that it was the best class she's taken in 3 years of attending this workshop and that I was her favorite teacher this whole week. I'm telling you, that made my day! (Actually, that made my life!) Several students said they were so excited to have skills and easy things to do that they could take home and apply immediately. I gave a shortened version of this class in the form of a lunchtime listening session where I played all those "arrangements" I had to write this summer. As I sat practicing before the class started, I had more than one person come up and ask me, "Who wrote that?" It was such a great feeling to say, "I did!" Numerous people wanted copies of the music I'd written, and I've decided this is the incentive I need to start doing some composing and arranging. A guy I went to school with has started a website for people to download organ music, and I'm going to perfect my arrangements and post them on his site, where I can get paid for my stuff.
I got to have lengthy chats with my old teacher, Dr. Cook, and my old professor, Dr. Belnap, and we were able to talk about where my life is been and where it's headed it terms of music. I was able to express some of the struggles and insecurities I've had and get feedback and encouragement from them. It was nice to hear Dr. Belnap tell me that he'd overheard compliments from students on my classes. It was nice to show him what I'd done with the improvisation stuff and have him seem excited about it. It was nice to have another workshop faculty member, who I didn't know very well, sit in on my improv class and tell me later than she thinks I'm a really good teacher. It was also nice to have several conversations with a guy who was a few years ahead of me in school, who was quite cocky and intimidating as a student, but who has mellowed out so much and actually treated me like a colleague, with respect. What a change! It was fun to hang out with my good friend D, go to lunch, and shoot the breeze.
Last night, we took the students up to Temple Square to listen to a recital, and then many of them got 3-minute time slots to play the organs up there--Tabernacle, Conference Center, and Assembly Hall. I got to be in the Assembly Hall assisting one of the professors. He pulled stops for people and encouraged them at the organ, and I was "policewoman", making sure people were ready to play when it was their turn. I was completely exhausted after teaching since 8:00 that morning, but it was SO fun. One of my students from Tooele was there and watching the thrill for her of getting to play "The Spirit of God" on that organ was worth it.
Yeah, I can understand now why some women really want to have careers. The constant positive strokes I got this past week could definitely become addicting! It's a weird, but rather nice, experience to have people constantly coming up to you giving you compliments and telling you how much they've loved what you've been doing. I couldn't help but think of the contrast between this and the reality that now that I'm home, my "positive strokes" will consisten mainly of whining and tantrums, and instead of writing hymn arrangements, I'll mostly be cleaning up toys and changing diapers. But I did miss my kids, and I was really excited to see them when I got home this afternoon.
Now the trick is to see if I can maintain this high and stay motivated to practice and teach. Obviously I can't go full steam like I've been doing this summer, but I need to make smaller goals to keep me connected to this world and to this instrument that I love so much.
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