First, a happy little tidbit to share: Dallin has his first loose tooth! He is always telling us how his tooth feels loose and wiggles, and so far it's always been just his imagination. But tonight it was for real! His permanent tooth is already growing in behind the baby one, so right now he has two teeth, one behind the other. I didn't know that could happen.
Anyway, now to the topic at hand:
Here was the conversation between Dallin and me at lunch today (well, the gist of it at least):
Dallin: I don't like cucumbers!!!
Me: Yes, you do. You've always liked cucumbers. You eat them all the time.
Dallin: No I don't!!! Ewwww!!! (As he throws his cucumbers on Sariah's TV tray.)
(two minutes later)
Dallin: Ewwww!!! There're bites out of my hot dog!!!!
Me: There are not bites out of your hot dog. No one's touched it but you.
Dallin: Yes there are!!!! There are bites out of it!!! See right here!!!
Me: Those are not bites. Those are cracks where it cooked in the microwave.
Dallin: Well, I'm not eating it!!!
Me: Yes, you are eating it. You asked for a hot dog.
Dallin: Make me another hot dog!!!
Me: I'm not making another hot dog. You may eat that one or go hungry.
Dallin: Please! Just keep the same bun and make me another hot dog to go in it!
Me: No way. That is a perfectly good hot dog, you asked for it, so you eat it!
(a minute later)
Dallin: I have an idea! Can you cover the cracks with mustard?
Me: Sure, I can do that. Now you can't see the cracks.
(With this "plastic surgery" performed, he ate the hot dog with no further ado.)
Can I just say that conversations like this are a daily occurrence at our house? Actually, they happen several times a day. Yes, Every. Single. Day. Usually at Breakfast, Lunch AND Dinner. Oh, and snacks, too.
I never knew how much picky eating could turn a household upside down.
We are sure that Dallin has sensory processing issues. Because I could write a post just like this one, only discussing his picky dressing habits, and the rigamarole we go through with clothing. He won't wear socks that feel too large or too small. He won't wear corduroy pants, period. (I learned that lesson the hard way.) He won't wear any pants that even remotely appear to be Sunday pants. He won't wear pants that are even the tinest bit too long. He wear pants to PE that he feels are going to interfere with being able to run fast in dodgeball. Which is also the reason he has to wear his tennis shoes rather than sandals to PE. I could go on and on.
Last summer when I took him for speech therapy, the questionaire I was given actually had a few questions about picky eating. When I casually mentioned some things to the therapist, he mentioned sensory integration disorder and gave me a questionaire for that. The results indicated that Dallin might benefit from further testing for sensory integration issues. We did not pursue anything at that time. We were busy with speech, and Dallin's challenges seemed relatively minor. Plus, he was growing out of many of the things that had been especially frustrating for us all, like his issues with lotion, hair-washing, teeth-brushing, etc.
But the picky-eating thing hasn't gone away, nor has it dissipated in the least. Sometimes I struggle to know what is sensory processing, what are control issues, what is habit? All I know is that mealtimes are never peaceful. Ever. Dinner time is the worst of all, since I am not willing to cook pizza, hot dogs, hamburgers, or tacos every night.
I was visiting teaching a few weeks ago and mentioned the eating very casually as we were talking about something else. I was a bit shocked when my out-spoken visiting teachee said, very bluntly, "Well, you know it's your fault! If you have a picky eater, it's your own fault!" She then went on to tell me how all of her children ate basically what was served to them.
A few days later, while in the BYU Bookstore, I happened upon a book, Food Chaining: The Proven 6-Step Plan to Stop Picky Eating, Solve Feeding Problems, and Expand Your Child's Diet. Of course, any book with the words "picky eating" in the title is going to catch my eye, so I bought it. I was intrigued. The book basically outlines a plan where you build on the foods your child already eats and "chain" those foods to other foods with similar qualities, eventually branching out until your child is eating many foods. For example, if your child likes hot dogs, you might then try having them eat link sausages, then bulk sausage, then ground beef, etc. Or hot dog buns could be chained to sandwich buns (as in Sub sandwiches), then eating sandwiches on regular bread, etc. The concepts made a lot of sense to me. The authors also spent a significant amount of time discussing all the reaons children are picky eaters--medical issues, sensory issues, food allergies, and then behavior issues. Almost the first thing they said to parents was: It's not your fault! Sigh of relief. It's not my fault, at least not completely. There are behavioral issues that get interwoven with the other things, but those issues are a byproduct of the frustration of the real, underlying reasons your child won't eat.
I know Dallin has sensory issues that keep him from being able to enjoy food. Some of those have to do with taste, some with texture, and some are visual things--he can legitimately not like something simply because of the way it looks or smells. The reactions can be so strong as to make him literally gag before the food has even touched his mouth. It was so nice to have validation that these are real! This is not just manipulation, or refusing to try something. This is a real, sensory over-response to certain qualities in foods. I do know, also, that we have been giving him a HUGE amount of negative attention over the years at mealtimes, and I do believe that some of our problems have to do with him seeking out that negative attention. The advice of the book was to only praise the positive and completely ignore any negative comments, outbursts, actions, etc. Obiouvsly, we have a LONG way to go on that one.
The food-chaining program itself is complicated. The authors recommend doing it only under the supervision of a whole therapy team. I don't see that happening right now. It's hard for me to think that we would need doctors and therapists to deal with this, even though there is no doubt that the picky eating really disrupts our lives multiple times a day.
There are two things that are hardest for me to handle. One is when he changes a preference. He instantly stops liking something that he previously ate with no problems, like cucumbers. Or cheese sticks. Sometimes he begs me to buy cheese sticks. And then a few weeks later he'll change which brand he will accept, or whether he wants white cheese sticks or orange/white swirled cheese sticks. And then all of a sudden he won't like cheese sticks at all. But a month or two later he likes them again. I can't even predict what he will like. However, the book says that this behavior is normal (well, not normal for all children, but normal for children with eating problems).
The other thing that is especially frustrating is when I make something he has asked for, and he refuses it because of some extremely minor flaw, like hot dogs with cracks in the top, or if I accidently put too much ketchup on it. It's a good thing he thought to cover the cracks with mustard, because I know him, and there is NO WAY on this earth he would have eaten that hot dog the way it was--even though hot dogs are one of his favorite foods.
Dallin actually wants to do food-chaining. I told him a little about the book, and he's been asking when I'm going to start making foods that are like the foods he already enjoys. I don't know, kiddo. That's the problem with books--there are so many great ones out there, but what busy, frazzled mom has the time to implement these complicated programs.
At least I have some new insights to apply. At least I can work on not giving out negative attention during dinner. :)
Anyway, now to the topic at hand:
Here was the conversation between Dallin and me at lunch today (well, the gist of it at least):
Dallin: I don't like cucumbers!!!
Me: Yes, you do. You've always liked cucumbers. You eat them all the time.
Dallin: No I don't!!! Ewwww!!! (As he throws his cucumbers on Sariah's TV tray.)
(two minutes later)
Dallin: Ewwww!!! There're bites out of my hot dog!!!!
Me: There are not bites out of your hot dog. No one's touched it but you.
Dallin: Yes there are!!!! There are bites out of it!!! See right here!!!
Me: Those are not bites. Those are cracks where it cooked in the microwave.
Dallin: Well, I'm not eating it!!!
Me: Yes, you are eating it. You asked for a hot dog.
Dallin: Make me another hot dog!!!
Me: I'm not making another hot dog. You may eat that one or go hungry.
Dallin: Please! Just keep the same bun and make me another hot dog to go in it!
Me: No way. That is a perfectly good hot dog, you asked for it, so you eat it!
(a minute later)
Dallin: I have an idea! Can you cover the cracks with mustard?
Me: Sure, I can do that. Now you can't see the cracks.
(With this "plastic surgery" performed, he ate the hot dog with no further ado.)
Can I just say that conversations like this are a daily occurrence at our house? Actually, they happen several times a day. Yes, Every. Single. Day. Usually at Breakfast, Lunch AND Dinner. Oh, and snacks, too.
I never knew how much picky eating could turn a household upside down.
We are sure that Dallin has sensory processing issues. Because I could write a post just like this one, only discussing his picky dressing habits, and the rigamarole we go through with clothing. He won't wear socks that feel too large or too small. He won't wear corduroy pants, period. (I learned that lesson the hard way.) He won't wear any pants that even remotely appear to be Sunday pants. He won't wear pants that are even the tinest bit too long. He wear pants to PE that he feels are going to interfere with being able to run fast in dodgeball. Which is also the reason he has to wear his tennis shoes rather than sandals to PE. I could go on and on.
Last summer when I took him for speech therapy, the questionaire I was given actually had a few questions about picky eating. When I casually mentioned some things to the therapist, he mentioned sensory integration disorder and gave me a questionaire for that. The results indicated that Dallin might benefit from further testing for sensory integration issues. We did not pursue anything at that time. We were busy with speech, and Dallin's challenges seemed relatively minor. Plus, he was growing out of many of the things that had been especially frustrating for us all, like his issues with lotion, hair-washing, teeth-brushing, etc.
But the picky-eating thing hasn't gone away, nor has it dissipated in the least. Sometimes I struggle to know what is sensory processing, what are control issues, what is habit? All I know is that mealtimes are never peaceful. Ever. Dinner time is the worst of all, since I am not willing to cook pizza, hot dogs, hamburgers, or tacos every night.
I was visiting teaching a few weeks ago and mentioned the eating very casually as we were talking about something else. I was a bit shocked when my out-spoken visiting teachee said, very bluntly, "Well, you know it's your fault! If you have a picky eater, it's your own fault!" She then went on to tell me how all of her children ate basically what was served to them.
A few days later, while in the BYU Bookstore, I happened upon a book, Food Chaining: The Proven 6-Step Plan to Stop Picky Eating, Solve Feeding Problems, and Expand Your Child's Diet. Of course, any book with the words "picky eating" in the title is going to catch my eye, so I bought it. I was intrigued. The book basically outlines a plan where you build on the foods your child already eats and "chain" those foods to other foods with similar qualities, eventually branching out until your child is eating many foods. For example, if your child likes hot dogs, you might then try having them eat link sausages, then bulk sausage, then ground beef, etc. Or hot dog buns could be chained to sandwich buns (as in Sub sandwiches), then eating sandwiches on regular bread, etc. The concepts made a lot of sense to me. The authors also spent a significant amount of time discussing all the reaons children are picky eaters--medical issues, sensory issues, food allergies, and then behavior issues. Almost the first thing they said to parents was: It's not your fault! Sigh of relief. It's not my fault, at least not completely. There are behavioral issues that get interwoven with the other things, but those issues are a byproduct of the frustration of the real, underlying reasons your child won't eat.
I know Dallin has sensory issues that keep him from being able to enjoy food. Some of those have to do with taste, some with texture, and some are visual things--he can legitimately not like something simply because of the way it looks or smells. The reactions can be so strong as to make him literally gag before the food has even touched his mouth. It was so nice to have validation that these are real! This is not just manipulation, or refusing to try something. This is a real, sensory over-response to certain qualities in foods. I do know, also, that we have been giving him a HUGE amount of negative attention over the years at mealtimes, and I do believe that some of our problems have to do with him seeking out that negative attention. The advice of the book was to only praise the positive and completely ignore any negative comments, outbursts, actions, etc. Obiouvsly, we have a LONG way to go on that one.
The food-chaining program itself is complicated. The authors recommend doing it only under the supervision of a whole therapy team. I don't see that happening right now. It's hard for me to think that we would need doctors and therapists to deal with this, even though there is no doubt that the picky eating really disrupts our lives multiple times a day.
There are two things that are hardest for me to handle. One is when he changes a preference. He instantly stops liking something that he previously ate with no problems, like cucumbers. Or cheese sticks. Sometimes he begs me to buy cheese sticks. And then a few weeks later he'll change which brand he will accept, or whether he wants white cheese sticks or orange/white swirled cheese sticks. And then all of a sudden he won't like cheese sticks at all. But a month or two later he likes them again. I can't even predict what he will like. However, the book says that this behavior is normal (well, not normal for all children, but normal for children with eating problems).
The other thing that is especially frustrating is when I make something he has asked for, and he refuses it because of some extremely minor flaw, like hot dogs with cracks in the top, or if I accidently put too much ketchup on it. It's a good thing he thought to cover the cracks with mustard, because I know him, and there is NO WAY on this earth he would have eaten that hot dog the way it was--even though hot dogs are one of his favorite foods.
Dallin actually wants to do food-chaining. I told him a little about the book, and he's been asking when I'm going to start making foods that are like the foods he already enjoys. I don't know, kiddo. That's the problem with books--there are so many great ones out there, but what busy, frazzled mom has the time to implement these complicated programs.
At least I have some new insights to apply. At least I can work on not giving out negative attention during dinner. :)
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